New Year, Same Trolls


I have missed writing and posting here the past few months.  You all know the drill…….  real life has a completely inconsiderate habit of intruding and demanding attention at the most inopportune times.  I threw my RL issues some raw meat and slammed the door before they could follow me, so I think we might have a few minutes before they slither under the door……

I have 2 confessions.

Firstly, I am afflicted with trolls.  Many, many trolls.  What’s new, right?  Anyone with an opinion is going to attract them, as sure as loud noises attract walkers every Sunday night on AMC.

Secondly, and this is the big one….. I bait them.  I parry, I thrust, and occasionally I bludgeon them when they begin to bore me.

My main defense of this is that I seldom need to go elsewhere to find them, because they are waiting for me on my page when I open my Facebook.

I guess we all have vices.  It could be worse.

Image

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Where Did The Last Week & A Half Go?


Wow.

They say real life can sometimes intrude when you least expect it.

Apparently when real life intrudes on me, it not only crashes on my sofa but also brings several rather odd friends with it who fill my house with peculiar happenings and multicolored smoke curling under the bathroom doors.

2 rounds of scarlatina, 2 24 hour bugs, a Thanksgiving holiday get together, and a lovely set of second degree burns across my dominant hand (turkey drippings……heavy roasting pan plus 5’2″ girl with stick figure muscles equals nothing good at all) later and I am actually reading the news and playing catch-up on what I missed for the past week and a half.

On the bright side, while I was short of time and unable to get to my computer, I got to catch up on several blogs I follow and read the awesome stuff their writers post.  I could lose myself for days just reading what y’all are talking about.  It’s always interesting and usually better than anything I have to say, anyway.

I was also nominated for a blog award by the Ranting Papizilla just before the bottom fell out on me around here, which tickled me no end, and now I can finally thank him properly and accept it.

So, here goes……..

Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Thanks, Papizilla!

 

Rules of Participation:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.

2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

3. State 7 things about yourself.

4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.

5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

 

As for seven things about myself………

 

  • I have a Sheldon J. Plankton tattoo on the outside of my left hand, just below the thumb.  I love him.  He is sassy, and silly, and I have yet to meet anyone who has one anything like it.  Plankton is my favorite supervillain.  I call him the Wile E. Coyote of Bikini Bottom.  I cannot wait to be a wrinkled old geezette in a retirement home somewhere with a big ol’ Plankton tattoo.  It gives me something to look forward to.

My favorite-est tattoo, of my favorite-est baddie.

 

  • I recently turned 39, and it was NOT depressing.  Yeah, I know, I’m a chick, so it was supposed to be a morose affair…..but frankly, it wasn’t.  In fact, ever since I turned 34 I have been looking forward to the big 3–9.  Now I can stay 39 forever, just like my idol, the funniest man who ever walked this Earth………Jack Benny.

 

  • I need 4 things in order to be truly happy.  As long as I have those, poo can rain from the ceiling and it won’t faze me.  Running water, Green (plants), Music, and Books.  As long as my family is healthy and I have those, I am good to go.  Do your worst, world.

 

  • I own 2 pairs of Capri pants and one pair of jeans.  I only own about 4 shirts, and I have maybe 4 pairs of shoes (none of them dress shoes or high heels).  I am emphatically NOT a clothes horse in any sense whatsoever, but……….I have a purse illness.  A really, really bad one.  It’s like freakin’ Heroin.  Do not EVER let me see one on sale, ’cause I’ll drag that bad boy home in a heartbeat.  When we moved this last time, I had an entire box of nothing but purses.  I need help, I really do.  Anyone know of a Handbag Recovery Group?

The first step is admitting you have a problem. When I opened the closet and was buried in an avalanche of handbags, I realized I had a problem.

 

  • I grew up watching old black & white shows on a now defunct channel called CBN (I think it turned into Trinity Network).  When my friends were watching Punky Brewster and Webster, I was loading up on The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, The Ann Sothern Show, The Bob Cummings Show, I Married Joan, You Bet Your Life, The Burns & Allen Show, and the best of the bunch, The Jack Benny Show.  I maintain that nobody has ever been or ever will be funnier than a man who can stand on a stage with his arms crossed and command 5 minutes of laughter by saying nothing at all.  That’s it, he wins.  He is the king.  The violin was just icing on the cake.

 

  • My favorite holiday is Halloween.  My mom’s birthday is Halloween and each year it is celebrated with ooky creepy food and laughing at incredibly crappy old black and white horror movies.  This year was Dracula’s Daughter.  Last year was The Beast Of Yucca Flats.  Oh, dear lord, if you haven’t experienced that one, put it on your bucket list.  Next year we will be doing The Killer Shrews.  I can’t wait…….

 

  • My favorite Disney movie is Sleeping Beauty.  Maleficent is by far the coolest Disney baddie, ever.  The only one who ever came close is Ursula.

 

Now for the nominations.  Please give these blogs a visit.  They are all interesting.  Some are fun, some funny, and some serious, but all worth your time.

  1. Don In Massachusetts
  2. Simple Pleasures
  3. Frivolous Monsters
  4. Simple.  Interesting.
  5. Attack The System
  6. Unedited Politics
  7. LadyRomp
  8. The Wish Factor
  9. calculatedmess
  10. the dancing professor
  11. The Risible Rambler
  12. Pouring My Art Out
  13. Dysfunctional Literacy
  14. Hunting For Bliss
  15. Flamingo Dancer’s Blog

Give them a visit, you won’t be sorry!

 

 

Look Out, Ryan’s Getting His Math On…….


 

Ryan Math

There seems to be a slight gap in your addition there, guys.

 

I Admit It. Sometimes I Feed The Trolls……


Okay, so I wasn’t all that nice.  In my defense, if you lack a sense of humor and are blessed with hyper-active and easily hurt feelings, you should probably not hang out on an off-color adult oriented humor page.

Sometimes, I just can’t help myself.

micro wave

Seriously….show of hands, folks. How many people really thought this was an intentional slight against the handicapped? Geez. Try decaf, dude. And TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CAPS-LOCK.

My comment would, of course, be the last one.  My troll refuses to talk to me now.  Sniff.

Knowledge Is Always A Good Thing……


Here’s what I have so far learned during my abrupt relocation to a new city.

  1. It’s hot here in the summer.  No, seriously.  It’s like the belly of Hell here.  I left a takeout cup on my back deck while putting away a few boxes and it melted on the bottom.
  2. A long empty home is full of lots and lots of loverly surprises, just waiting for you to find them.  Most of them aren’t very nice.  If you don’t believe me, I can refer you to the long dead, dessicated, and mummified mouse (with trap still attached) which I found under my new sink.  Eeewww.
  3. As stated in number 1, I have discovered that the specific definition of Hell is a home in late summer with no air conditioning and 2 small children who have completely lost their sense of humor about the situation.  Thankfully, we do have some window units up and going.  It was a hairy couple of days before that, though.  Mom and 2 kiddos, all trying to get the spot directly in front of the one piddly oscillating fan.  Still looking forward with glee to actually getting the outside unit going again.
  4. A week without television or internet access sucks the big one.  I was reduced to playing freaking Freecell.
  5. No water is not a thing to be desired at any time of the year.  In August it really, really stinks.  I was so thankful to have any water at all that the all-cold that I have now is manna from Heaven.  Who needs hot?  I just want wet.
  6. No matter how many trips you make, or how many boxes you pack and move, when you get back to continue packing there is just as much stuff as before you started.  I am almost certain it is breeding, because I have unpacked things I not only do not remember packing but have actually never seen before.
  7. I am pretty sure the war on drugs is fighting against the wrong substances.  I had to unstopper some contact cement to re-affix the formica edging on my Master Bath sink and garden tub surround, and I was high for at least a day and a half.  That seems to me to be a better bang for your buck than anything you buy off the street.  Perhaps they should wage a war on home improvement supplies instead.
  8. If you ever start to feel that your life is sinking into a rut, or begin to yearn for adventure, pack up your family and move somewhere you have never lived and know nothing about.  Just trying to find the damn grocery store suddenly becomes an odyssey worthy of Ulysses (who still made it home faster than I did last time I had to find something around here).

 

Gee, Guys, I don’t Know……..


Okay, the sad thing here is that they actually do believe they are being persecuted and unfairly labeled as a hate group.  The level of blindness in operation here simply staggers me.

why call us a hate group?

Umm…..if you stopped yelling at the top of your voices about all the things you hate, perhaps we would stop ‘attacking’ you with the truth.

 

*picture taken from the Facebook page of The Equality Mantra.

Lady Parts……..A Handy Reference Chart From The House Of Reps


Aahh, now I see.  This could almost have been taken from the textbook I used at our local Christian college, in the mandatory Christian Family Living class.  They probably use the same publishing house.

legitimacy detector

I see that intelligent design has included a backup legitimacy detector. Good planning, there.

I was still snickering over this one when a re-tweet on my twitter feed caught my eye :

illegitimate rape whistle

I guess I can always borrow my kiddo’s extra kazoo. I wonder if a slide whistle would work as well?

 

Sometimes the best antidote to the insanity around you is to find something you can point at and laugh.  It doesn’t fix anything, but it sure makes you feel better for a bit.

*first pic taken from the Facebook page of Political Loudmouth who got it from the Facebook page of Proud To Be A Filthy Liberal Scum.  second screen shot taken off my Twitter feed and the specific tweet is from Megan Amram.  thanks to all sources.